once upon a birfday


Now, you could call Jake Miller a man, but you’d be wrong. A king among mere men is a title more apt to the statue of David carved out of stone that you sniveling cowards call Jake Miller. Women enter heat whence they see him without hesitation presenting their hindquarters. Men shake his hand and cry NAY WEEP at his grip. Wikipedia had an article about his greatness that was too big and crashed their servers. Jake Miller was originally in the bible, but his character was cut out for overshadowing Jesus in terms of majesty. Jake Miller has been known to mend the wings of baby birds and teach them to fly once more. The most humble of stories Jake tells involving himself are the tallest tales in eastern european villages. On this day Jake Miller was born and the earth stood still for one fleeting moment to take in the consequences of a post Jake Miller world…and the sky wept snow.

GIFS: To answer the question burning in everyone’s mind. Yes, he landed it.

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